His/her first thought upon awakening was How did I end up here? And where are my clothes?

"I don't give a damn what they say. I'm the right kind of wrong."

"Now, you can do one of two things. You can run, or you can hide."
"I really don't see why I can't just punch you in the face."

" I smell like laundry soap."
"-sniff- No, unless you have cake-scented laundry soap."

"MC, I can see the light."
"Well, don't go towards it."

"Dude, I am SO SOBER RIGHT NOW!"

A rare, coy smirk crossed his/her face as s/he offered a hand to the best friend s/he had ever known. "Shall we?"

The conclusion is obvious: _________

(after both MC 1 and MC 2 have been handcuffed to a chair or... something)
"Do you know anything about these? For instance, how we can remove them?"
"Are you asking me about my experiences with handcuffs?"

"They're either going to really like each other... or want to rip each other's faces off. I'm taking bets."

"Okay, so maybe I crossed the line..."
"Crossed the line? You took a flying LEAP past the line! In moon shoes and a cape!"

"What am I going to have to do to make you tell me?"
"Tickle me some more, I think."

"What are you doing?"
"....nothing terribly inappropriate..."

"I could always tell him what exactly we could do with that sassy tongue of his."

"What? She's a virgin? Dude that's rare, like unicorn rare!"

"I say, who is this Murphy fellow, and why does he have so many laws?"

"Wait, you're still alive? Well, sh - I mean, oh good."

"I think he loves me."
"Are you insane? He looks at you like you're a kitten he's about to devour."
"He doesn't eat kittens!"
"Not the point!"

"This was a wonderful time to enter. This is also a wonderful time to exit."

"I have met the enemy, and I make him dinner every night."

Re-use these lines:
"Oh... I can't kick myself in the butt any more!"
"Argh! My holes don’t work!"
"You must have it at the right temperature so you can reach in and grab the thingy."
"Excuse me, are you sniffing me?"
"He’s vibrating me!"
"I’ve been trying to figure out how to get my mouth around that thing (the huge sucker)."
"We’re going to set it on the table so we can do it there later."
"When you put stuff between your legs, that’s what holds it there."
"It’s freakin’ cold outside! My cheeks and nose are cold! I’m gonna' get some ice…"
"Just because I’m dancing with a dish towel doesn’t mean I need help."
"Stop resisting and take it like a girl. "
"True American Way: Do it to someone else."
"You’re not yourself, you’re your clothes."
"Well then, you must be a Royal Bastard. "
"She keeps going horizontal on me."
"I don’t suck, I bite."
"I have handcuffs attached to my bed, what do you think?"
"This is hours of entertainment… well, until my arm gets tired, anyway."
"If I agitate both of them, they’ll start going at it."
"You know it’s been a good night when everyone has to switch clothes to go home."
"You’re right, my sword isn’t very big, but it’s big enough to get through you."
"I can’t put my head very many places it doesn’t like to go."
"Balls gravitate toward my head."
"If I had a brain, I’d be scary"
"Just because it’s a dress rehearsal doesn’t mean you have to come dressed."
"Show me where you want it to be exactly. That’s exactly what you’ll get."