murphy's law: everything just seems to go wrong.

i can't believe it took me freaking forever to feel good enough to type up a post. or i'm lazy again as i always am. i think it is of trivial importance what i want to say anyway, but i'm going to tell you since i'm bored and have always tried to prove my unselfishness by sharing.

...

um, i forgot what i wanted to say.

therefore, i shall be nice and generous like i always am and show you something amazing i found on youtube. yes, i am such a fan of dead Captain Jack Sparrow.




oh! some food for thought after I've finished reading a vampire rant:

Taking that the "type" of vampire covered is/was
a) DEAD. but animated and moving.
b) Not in fantasy realms
c) Once a human

here is why there are no such things as "half-vampires".

"...Vampires are not a species. That is to say a creature turned into a vampire in the modern sense isn’t. Never have been and never will be. I’ll explain why soon. There are other creatures in mythology and folklore that lust blood, but this doesn’t make them vampires. I repeat: vampire-like but not a vampire. To ignore this fact is like calling a bear a stork because they both eat fish. I’ll touch on this later – back to what I was saying previously.

In any version of a “vampire” you look at, it is a state of being. Thus a vampire is really just a type of human. So perhaps you can’t call them a species, but you can call them a breed. This is just the tip of the iceberg to why there is no such thing as a “half vampire”."

and he goes even more in-depth!

"To say that a character is a half-vampire is the same as saying that they have half-AIDS. ALL RIGHT. AWESOME! ROCK ON! I HAVE HALF A DISEASE."

take a moment to 'lol' at that please, but i believe it might need clarification.
vampirism = state of being
states of being includes (being) disease(d)
AIDS = disease
therefore, AIDS is similar to vampirism.

get it NOW?


and he goes even further...
covering it in my favourite subject of "genetics" <3

"As a vampire is a state of being (no matter what), they have no non-human genes to pass down to children. Why? First off there are not different breeds of vampire. Perhaps different strains of the supposed disease, but as vampires are not a species, they have no breeds. Rather they are a singular human breed of their own. Any human can become a vampire. A vampire doesn’t have different vampiric genetic makeup to pass on - all they pass on is the infection. Depending on the preference of the author, it is either a disease that affects the living or a disease that affects the dead.

The most common vampires seen in literature are dead. The blood they take into their body is the blood of those they feed from, and it takes up all forms of fluids in their body – tears, sweat, water, and yes – sperm. Saying that vampires can reproduce is like saying zombies can."

and you know zombies, flesh-eating, mindless beings yeah?

"...Vampires can not have saliva – just as they can not have sweat, tears, or sperm. Dead bodies do not produce these things. Hence why there aren't a massive load of vampires. If each person fed off of became a vampire (in the classical sense of death), everyone would be one by now.

As I said before – dead things don’t have sperm (or eggs) so dead things cannot reproduce. The blood they drink runs through all their organs in place of basically all other fluids they had while living. The sperm would have died off at the least."

Of course, this also covers the fact that these are classical vampires.
and not forgetting that this is r-e-a-l-i-t-y and not fantasy.
which is of course, twice as insulting for the very existence of the Cullen family.
and his fans. not forgetting the hoard, not forgetting...

and for you prudes:

"This isn’t to say that vampires cannot have sex. They do have warm blood after feeding and they do retain memory and instinct. However, pardon my crude humour, but if you were to say that a male vampire would be the sire of a half-vampire, all the partners would actually being doing at orgasm is giving the human lady an early period.

A female vampire cannot be a mother even if there actually were any eggs left in her alive. Reason being that all a vampire survives by is blood, so any baby being formed would die very quickly. A growing fetus cannot survive off of human blood much less survive in a dead body. It would just rot in their guts without developing whatsoever."

...yes. what he's trying to say is that the sperm, having been replaced by blood, is non-existent since whatever the poor chap had when he was alive has died with the rest of his body. no the body doesn't digest the blood. i told you, he's fucking dead.

therefore, whatever he ejaculates (if he can, since he's dead and all) will be, well, blood. "Early period", haha.

and recall that we've all learnt how the foetus and mum doesn't share blood. if mummy doesn't even digest this blood consumed, there's no nutrients. she can't feed the poor chap. thus, natural abortion, awww...

and, come on, necrophilia? that's a bit much and we Singapore is a conservative society too!

so why am i telling you this?
well, because my friend and i had a wonderful idea!
or actually, i had the epiphany, she supplied some of the info.

you see, Edward Cullen has a child because he has living-but-frozen sperm.
Edward Cullen, is fucking dead. but reanimated.
Therefore, dead-but-reanimated people will have sperm.
albeit just "frozen", whatever that means.

So, the idea struck:
Aithein and I could open a sperm bank, donating or selling sperm
all provided by the lovely mortuary-dwelling peeps.
aka, harvest them deceased's sperm and distribute them.
they can't complain anyway.


if you aren't laughing at the idea, you obviously:
a) are a prude
b) love Twilight too much
c) have been insulted by me
d) have no sense of humour
e) don't understand (aka your IQ = your shoe size)


aren't I the genius?
well, haha, that's my happy thought for the day.
'Nights all.